sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
