My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
