Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
