someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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