She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
