He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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