i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
