She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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