im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
