You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I cockslap morals
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize