i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
