he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
