even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
