remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
