to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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