the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize