I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
