watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
