Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
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