You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
