i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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