Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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