too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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