Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
