i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
