have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
