he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
