she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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