i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
