covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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