nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
