She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
