I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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