were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
