I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
you had me at cake vodka
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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