my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You smell like stripper and shame
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
