Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize