I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
