All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
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Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
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I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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