Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
