I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
