even my farts smell like vagina
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
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Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
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at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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