My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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