after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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