Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
