On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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