i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
