FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
