you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
