You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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