You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Someone shattered a urinal.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
