Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
