if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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