For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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