the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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