I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
