need another drink. this is the easiest way
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
