i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
