Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
