Joe is yelling at the trees again.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
