whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
