Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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