are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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