Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
