I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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