You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
