i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
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