Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I intend to get homeless drunk
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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