Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
