fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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