Just cropdusted the office
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
