the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
