I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I am spending my child support on dildos
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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